In ways, all sturm and you will drang from the sex is a red herring and mirror our very own neurotic cultural prejudice; can you imagine your replaced “almost every other females” for “men” in your question
Thank you for the concern. It sounds such discover a tangle off disputes here and you may I sympathize as to what I think I tune in to on the concern, which is that you are which have thoughts which are somehow “wrong” to possess, that we envision is really embarrassing, even fantastically dull. Holding a secret you become you simply can’t share with your wife is frequently a hard destination to end up being.
In fact, We nearly wonder what would occur to your own curiosity about guys when your mate heard and you can recognized it about you-or if for some reason 
such attitude turned into less dangerous and peoples. How can you experience so it appeal? You say, “I really don’t want to feel like I can’t be myself when I’m together with her.” How about your self, besides the exact notion of sex which have a person, seems “perhaps not Okay” if you’re along with her? Could there be some ideal feeling of knob you’re seeking fulfill? Performs this attraction for men signify something is unsafe inside the the wedding otherwise your social/cultural system? Obviously since the a culture overall, our company is considering horrifically limited label alternatives for cock. Any whiff out of “sensitivity” brings out the gay jokes, since if anything besides James Bond was indeed inappropriate. (Of course, if you have seen the latest Thread, you realize also he has got specific fascinating tendencies!)
It is regular for goals out of exactly what gender with similar sex feels like, at least periodically, and some keep them more consciously than others-in addition to really idea is much more approved in a few cultures than simply others. (For the old Greece, there was zero eros so much more “noble” than simply like between men.) I’m not claiming it is usually good “choices,” but also for some people it is; some people is obviously attracted to a specific intercourse, if you are step three%-5% of us be in the middle of brand new spectrum and keen on both. On the latter situation, it is essential to observe that we find ourselves keen on someone rather than “men” (or women). By way of example, is there a certain boy you’ve located “hot” otherwise fantasized regarding the? (Our anatomical bodies are very clear on attraction.) Perhaps your own curiosity about people sells a mental symbolization-we.e., your longing for greater psychological liberty and you can welcome off “unmanly” regions of you, especially if you getting exhausted to-be “strong” otherwise “tough” (like your spouse, it may sound particularly) inside a traditional environment. If for example the desire for males was indeed recognized, you could have wide mental latitude. Or the notion of surrendering one power so you can end up being protected is part of this new attention; sometimes it’s nice for all of us men for taking from the Superman cape and you may let others drive, especially if we have lacked intimate men relationship.
The fact is, our very own sexuality falls on a range and many people establish web sites for all of us off both genders
As all of us men are oftentimes prohibited regarding becoming vulnerable or “emotional”-which we are; despite just what community says in the Mars against. Venus, the audience is merely psychological in another way-we are able to sometimes long for much more sexual not always physical relationships having boys, regardless of if sometimes you to wish is actually bodily; otherwise we have sexual wants that contain psychological longings getting connection. Speaking of poultry-and-eggs concerns which might be value further meditation, I think, to your with the knowledge that this is terrifying on the social perspective (and i also reside in liberal Los angeles, so it is simple for us to state) but being just person at the conclusion of the new go out. Have you contemplated sharing that it having a counselor?
Once the embarrassing and you may uncomfortable as it might be, everyone is special from inside the which or that which we pick prominent, although libido is usually mysterious if you don’t terrifying, after you boil it down it is associated with longings getting love, love, and you may safety. I’ve found it admirable that you aren’t happy to forget about some thing thus important on the mind and so are shopping for answers, and this to me suggests bravery and you will integrity. Anything tells me there is certainly a discussion that needs to occurs anywhere between you and your wife (maybe with the help of a lovers therapist), in the event the date is great. My sense is you features a good want to feel safer and less safeguarded your area, in the an emotional, psychological, and perhaps intimate sense. You will find no guilt in just about any of that. You might do some research on the bisexuality. There are a few advanced level online learning resources for all those feeling what you try.